


blood on his hands

by chikausa



Series: casphardt week 2019 [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Casphardt Week 2019, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, some blood mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 20:49:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21326470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chikausa/pseuds/chikausa
Summary: linhardt really hates this warfor casphardt week day 3 // wartime
Relationships: Caspar von Bergliez/Linhardt von Hevring
Series: casphardt week 2019 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1535675
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	blood on his hands

The war had been raging all across Fodlan for only about a year. 

About a year since Edelgard declared war on the church and the former Black Eagle students followed her into battle.

About a year since Linhardt was really exposed to the horrors of war and everything else. He didn’t expect to end off his time in Garreg Mach following his house leader, now emperor, into war.

And here Linhardt sat, hunched over in a chair in the infirmary, trying, and failing, not to look at the dying soldier he and Manuela had to operate on. It didn’t work, and that soldier was going to die, and Linhardt couldn’t do anything about it.

“Lin…,” he heard a voice from the doorway, but didn’t want to look up. He knew who it was. 

“...Caspar.” Linhardt’s voice was scratchy.

He could feel Caspar move next to him and put his hands on his shoulders, squeezing them. 

“Let’s go, dude.”

“I can’t.” 

“Why not?”

“The… the soldier. I have to watch him… I can’t,”

There was a long pause and Linhardt heard Caspar sigh, “I think he’s dead.” Caspar finally said.

Linhardt finally looked up at the soldier, Caspar was right. Another life taken away from this war.

“I need to get someone to take care of him then…” he said, still looking at him. What more could he have done?

“I’ll get someone. You go take a bath.” Linhardt felt Caspar lift him up and turn him around so that they were facing one another, “Okay?”

“I…”

“Okay?” Caspar said again.

“Alright.” 

Caspar gave Linhardt one of his signature smiles and then proceed to push Linhardt out the door, closing it behind him. 

They both went their separate ways with the unspoken promise to meet up again later.

Linhardt dragged himself to the bathhouse. It was empty, as expected. There weren't as many people in the monastery to fill it up like it used to. He was glad though, he likes to bathe alone, didn’t want to deal with other people.

Stripping off his robes, he sunk down in the water, watching some of the blood on his hands get washed off and swirl around in the water.

It was gross. This blood was on his hands. Even if it wasn’t from killing, the sight of it made him sick anyways.

Linhardt scrubbed it off, and even if it was off his skin, he still felt it. He felt from all the people he killed, the people he couldn’t save, and much more. 

So really, it was still there no matter what he did. The blood would always be on his hands. He sank down in the water with a pitiful sob. 

“Lin?” Caspar, again. He must’ve found someone. 

Linhardt didn’t respond, not trusting himself to speak, so he just waved his hand and the splashing of the water showed that he was there.

“Are you done?” Caspar asked, suddenly a lot closer than he was before.

The mage nodded, but didn’t move. He heard Caspar letting out a quiet sigh from behind him before speaking, “Can I get you out?”

Linhardt nodded again, sniffling.

Caspar put his arms under his armpits and pulled him out. Then handing him a towel which he seemed like he pulled it out of nowhere. 

“I’m cold.” Linhardt finally said. It came out as a whisper.

“Well, yeah. You’ve been sitting here for a bit. I was about to drag you out.”

“Huh.” Was all Linhardt said.

“I got you some clean clothes, too. I know you didn’t stop by your room on the way here.” Caspar said, patting the stack of clothes he had in his lap.

It was a simple white shirt and a pair of pants. Nightclothes, he thinks.

Linhardt nodded, grabbing them from Caspar and finally changing into them. 

“Better?” Caspar asked.

“Uh huh.”

“Let’s go then.” Caspar said, grabbing Linhardt’s hand and leading him out of the door of the bath house and into the night. 

How long was I in there? Linhardt thought. He was sure it was at least evening when he went in there.

The two finally made it to Linhardt’s room.

His room was nothing special, just like the other rooms of his former classmates. 

Who he could end up killing.

He always tried cleaning it up, but always ended up with more books to further his research -- and to give a good distraction from the war. He needed it, sometimes.

“Do you ever clean this place?” Caspar asked, putting some books from his bed onto the desk.

“I try.” 

Caspar snorted, “There! All better. Now come here.” he flopped over onto the bed, putting himself on the spot next to the wall. He looked at Linhardt while patting the empty side of the bed.

Linhardt laid down next to him, now realizing how tired he truly is. He cuddled up next to Caspar and let out a sigh. 

“Are you doing okay?” Caspar finally asked. 

“As good as I can be doing, I suppose.” Linhardt answered.

Caspar sighed, started to run his hand through the mages hair, “This war…,” he started.

“While I do not like it, I do think Edelgard’s cause is good. I wish we could’ve avoided coming to this, but there really wasn’t any way around it. If she wants to achieve the future she wants, she’s going to have to use force.” 

“I know that, dumbass. I’m trying to say I’m worried. Worried about you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry.”

Linhardt suddenly felt himself being turned around, so that the two boys were facing one another.

“You don’t have to lie to me, Lin.”

Linhardt hesitated for a moment, “There’s blood on my hands. Blood I will never be able to get off,” he whispered, “I know I can’t avoid the killing, but goddess, I hate it. I don’t want to do it.”

Caspar didn’t say anything, just pulled Linhardt closer to him, rubbing his back.

Linhardt didn’t say anything else, just let himself be cuddled by Caspar. 

Soon enough, they both ended up falling asleep.

Even though the war will still be raging on when the two wake up, at least they both have each other. And sometimes, that’s enough for them both.

**Author's Note:**

> day three done! i hope i can get all week done


End file.
